Hi I'm the "I've come to you looking for answers of some kind.. " person and THANK YOU! You've really helped me :)
Anonymous askedYou’re very welcome. I’m glad I could help!
Posted 14 hours ago
I know that feel, wickedlywest. Aroadvice, can you post this so WW knows I'm totally up for talking to her about this. I don't have any aro freinds, so it would be nice to have someone to talk to. And I am also extremely extroverted, btw.
marisaandasriel askedPosted 1 day ago
I'm a 19 year old girl, and I've never been in a relationship longer than a couple weeks. It's almost like an awful cycle for me: I'm happy being single until I'm reminded by my friends and the media how important and wonderful relationships are. Eventually I develop a crush on a boy (with little to no inherent sexual basis), I pursue him until he begins to show interest. Suddenly I get awkward, I amplify his negative characteristics in order to explain why I can't date him. (cont'd)
wickedlywest askedFor the longest time I just thought I had commitment and intimacy issues because of the way I was brought up and taught to view sex. I thought this was something I needed to go to therapy for, or maybe I just needed to meet the right guy. As far as sex goes, I’m still a virgin. The idea of sex is appealing, but I’ve never met someone to whom I was attracted enough to want to have sex, let alone kiss. Do you think I might be an aromantic graysexual? I’m sorry I’ve written a novel, but I’ve had so much trouble researching this, and your blog is a Godsend! I just don’t have anyone I can really talk to about this, so I feel a bit alone, and that sucks. Oh, before I forget, is it possible for someone to be 100% extroverted AND aromantic?
I’m glad you wrote me a “novel”! I’d much rather you send a couple asks than leave out something important to you. I opened this blog to help, and whatever you want to ask me, I’d love to hear.
It is 100% possible to be extroverted and aromantic! As far as I’m aware, there is no correlation between orientation and personality types.
It is entirely possible you don’t experience romantic attraction, given that I had a somewhat similar experience with my ex. If that is the case, then you would fit the definition of aromantic. I cannot decide if you do or don’t feel romantic attraction, though.
As for your your sexual identity, you could definitely be greysexual. If that’s the label you feel fits you best, feel free to use it.
If you ever want to talk with me privately, my personal inbox is here. It’s always open. If you prefer skype, or some other medium, I would be happy to share them.
Posted 1 day ago
this isn't a question but i wanted to give you a shoutout really quickly for being an amazing blog and giving out some of the best advice i've seen in relation to aromantic feelings/relationships/issues. you can tell that you're not trying to force anyone into believing certain paths are right for them and you're always open-minded and intelligent in your responses, which is exactly what people seeking advice need. so kudos to you, and i hope finals week goes well for you!
Anonymous askedThank you very much! It means so much to me to hear that my best advice is good enough, especially during such a stressful time for me.
It’s also really nice to hear I sound intelligent, but for quite different reasons.
Posted 1 day ago
Hi! So I was wondering if you could sort of explain what it's like to be an aromantic-asexual. My friend asked me but i'm having a hard time explaining it to him. I'm asexual myself, so i understand that aspect of it, but i'm unsure of the aromantic part. How are you attracted to people, if at all? i know you've answered this a bunch but i really appreciate it! Thanks!
clairvoyantobstruction askedI’m here to help! I really don’t mind answering any questions you all have, even if I’ve answered them before.
I can’t speak for the aromantic community, but I experience aesthetic and sensual attraction. Aesthetic attraction is essentially looking at someone and thinking they are gorgeous. Sensual attraction for me is the desire to cuddle with someone, but it can be most types of physical affection, like kissing or holding hands.
As for the actual experience of being aromantic, it’s a lot like being asexual. Other people have a feeling that I’m expected to have, but don’t.
People all around me keep talking about how badly they want romantic relationships and how wonderful they are, and I’m just quietly baffled. They are welcome to share their feelings, but I don’t think I’ll ever understand. Romance seems confusing even to people who do experience romantic attraction, so I made my peace with not understanding fairly quickly.
Posted 1 day ago
Okay so I'm really questionaly what sexuality I am, just nothing seems to fit quite right. I'm a female and I'm 13, and I first figured out at 9 that I had feeling for girls aswell as men. I usually classifly myself as Pansexual, but I find Romantic relationships to be quite tedious. I could be in a romantic relationship, but the idea isn't really apealing to me. The idea of sex isn't so but, but at times it disgusts me. I have no idea what to classify myself as. Help?
Anonymous askedWell, if you find romantic relationships to be tedious, I’m going to guess you don’t experience romantic attraction. If that is the case, then you would fit the definition of aromantic.
As for your sexuality, I am told it is possible to be repulsed by sex and still experience sexual attraction, so that wouldn’t negate your identity in any way.
Posted 1 day ago
I'm confused. I'm a 14 years old girl, I never fell in love with anyone, and I don't feel attraction towards anyone. I can find someone pretty, hot, whatever, but that's it. I have never kissed, never been in a romantic relationship. I can be considered as an aromantic? Am I too young? Should I wait more time and see what happens? This kinda confuses me. All my friends fell in love at some point of their lives, except for me. I don't know what to think. Any advice, please?
Anonymous asked14 is definitely not too young to begin deciding your identity, especially since all your friends are already experiencing romantic attraction.
Since you don’t experience any attraction beyond aesthetic, you definitely fit the label aromantic, and could use it if you feel it fits you.
Posted 1 day ago
I'm a 19 year-old, straight female. I've had three semi-serious relationships, all with really clingy, overprotective and affectionate guys. I'm not sure if it's the type of people I'm attracting, or just the way I end up feeling in relationships that makes me wonder if I'm aromantic. I always start out thinking that I'll really like the relationship, but once things get serious I start to lose all attraction to them, to the point that they are nothing more than a friend and I become (continued)
Anonymous asked(continued) disgusted with even the thought of them touching me. I’m not a very affectionate person by nature, and cheesy romantic stuff makes me cringe. I’m also incredibly independent. Ideally, I want someone who appreciates me and cares for me as I do for them in a casual relationship. I like all the physical stuff, it’s the time commitment and emotional involvement that I dislike. I don’t know if I’m just afraid of commitment/haven’t found the right person or what. I think I like the idea of a relationship more than the reality of one. I want to spend the rest of my life with one person, but on more of a best friend (with benefits) kind of level if that makes sense. I’m sorry this post is so long! This is the first time I’ve ever heard of this (thank you Reddit) and for once I feel like there might be an answer to my ambivalence when it comes to dating.
My ex seemed really clingy too, though in my case, I’m certain that it was due to the fact that I was really emotionally distant because I’m aromantic and romantic relationships really aren’t for me.
As for spending the rest of your life with one person platonically, there is a concept called the queerplatonic partnership, which is essentially platonic dating. I am currently in one of those relationships, and it sounds like it might be as beneficial to you as it was to me.
Posted 2 days ago
Is it aromanticism if someone desires to have a relationship not for the romantic intimacy with the person but for sex and the reputation of being that person's significant other?
Anonymous askedIt sounds like it would be
