Answer 1
Notes
Posted 1 month ago
Okay, I've been in a relationship for 6 years now. A few years in I realized I was asexual and came out as such, it was really liberating. My bf sort of accepted that (still causes some problems). But in the last few months, I've realized I'm aromantic as well...I don't like touching of any kind, kissing, I can't really tell the difference between romantic love and platonic/friendly love, etc. It feels sort of nice to finally know what I am. But, how should I tell my bf? Any advice?
Anonymous asked

I would suggest really reinforcing that your feelings for him haven’t changed at all, and also that all aromanticism means is that you don’t feel romantic attraction. People seem to think that aromantics cannot love often enough, so do your best to assure him that isn’t the case.

It also may be easier to break to your boyfriend if you drop hints about your aromanticism before you tell him directly. Making sure he knows what romantic attraction is could be a good place to start. 

Answer
Posted 1 month ago
If you are aromantic and you want to be in a queer-platonic relationship with someone of the same gender, can you identify as a queer aromantic?
Anonymous asked

I can’t think of any reason why you couldn’t. Being aromantic in and of itself is outside of the norm, so aromantics in general should be able to identify as queer. It’s really up to you to decide how you want to identify, but if you want to identify as queer, go for it!

Answer
Posted 1 month ago
I'm aromantic, but my BFF is romantic. I know she looks at the person she'll be with forever as only a person she is romantic with. I want to be ok with her not looking at me as a potential (QP) partner because that isn't what she wants. But when she gets in a romantic rela that's where all her time goes because that's her rela she's in for the "long term" or whatever. Idk I just want to talk to her about it, but I don't want her to think I'm not happy/supportive of her romantic rela.
Anonymous asked

I would suggest you talk to her and let her know what you’re feeling. Tell her that you support her romantic relationship, and make sure she doesn’t misunderstand what you’re trying to say, but talk to her. 

I would also suggest running through whatever you want to tell her a couple times beforehand, just to be certain you say what you mean to. 

Answer 2
Notes
Posted 1 month ago
@anon asking about kissing/cuddling: I'd like to point out that behavior and attraction are two different things, and that behavior/desire doesn't always define a relationship or your feelings towards someone. You can certainly do "romantic" things without having definite or strong or any romantic feelings. Like the mod said, lack of romantic attraction is the only requirement to identify as aro, not the lack of romantic behavior/desire/relationships. The same is true for sexual behavior.
quozmonster asked
Answer
Posted 1 month ago
I know you probably get the "do you think I'm aromantic?" question a lot, but I'd still like some advice on it, if you're not too sick of hearing it. I'm 15, pretty sure I'm asexual and maybe aromantic - I don't really want to kiss anyone, never really have (even when dating someone), but I like things like hugging/cuddling and holding hands. I guess what I'm asking is does kissing come under romantic or sexual attraction? Thanks in advance. :)
Anonymous asked

As far as I can tell, kissing is one of those grey areas where it could be based in either romantic or sexual feelings, or both. I don’t really understand it myself, as I have never wanted or enjoyed kissing. I’ve been told that sexual attraction makes kissing more enjoyable, but I have no personal experience with that.

I know that there are romantic asexuals who want and enjoy kissing, but there are also romantic asexuals who do not.

You should keep in mind the only thing that really matters in deciding whether you’re aromantic or not is whether or not you feel romantic attraction, and all that entails is whether or not you ever notice someone and want to have a romantic relationship with them.

Answer 1
Notes
Posted 2 months ago
hey there! i'm 15, trans* (identifying as male), and asexual. basically, i was dating a guy for four months and broke up about a month ago. he was one of my best friends beforehand, which is apparently weird (people don't know each other well before going out?). i've only really ever had one crush - which was big - but apart from that, nothing. given my breakup, i was wondering if i'm aro, or just trying to convince myself i don't need romance? (please, do be honest. i can handle it c: )
Anonymous asked

Only you can decide your aromantic orientation. Since it’s pretty much all about feelings, and I can’t decide what you feel for you, there’s only so much I can do. However, it does sound to me like you’re probably somewhere on the aro spectrum. You could be a grey aromantic, if not just aromantic.

Give yourself time, and think about what you feel. If you decide that you don’t feel romantic attraction anymore, then you’re aromantic.

Adopt whatever labels you feel best fit you, and remember that it is okay if your identity changes in the future. So long as you’re honest with yourself, it should all work out fine.

Answer 1
Notes
Posted 3 months ago
Hey! I'm a teen girl so I guess confusion is a given but I'm still going to ask. I've identified as Pansexual in the past but I think I might be leaning towards Aromantic. I can look at a celebrity or a stranger and say "Wow, he/she/xe is really attractive," and I have sexual attractions, but when it comes to actually meeting, and dating, real people, I'm stone-ice cold. I just prefer to stay friends with my pals and not meet anyone else. Am I aromantic or is this just part of being introverted?
robosexualginger asked

Only you can decide your romantic orientation, but it does sound like you’re aromantic. If you don’t feel romantic attraction, then you fit the definition of aromantic.

It should be noted that the cause of your aromanticism is entirely irrelevant and would not invalidate your orientation in any way. If you were aromantic, and your aromanticism was related to your introversion, it wouldn’t change anything.

Just so we’re all perfectly clear, you can be aromantic and pansexual. Your romantic orientation does not need to be the same as your sexual orientation, and vice versa.

Answer
Posted 3 months ago
I'm a 17 year old male, so I guess it's typical for me to be confused. Anyway, I've never felt romantically attracted to anyone. A girl made out with me once (sort of against my will), and I thought I was attracted to her, but when the shock wore off, I realized I didn't feel anything for her at all. I have a sex drive but I never look at people IRL either romantically or sexually. The ideas of sex and romance seem nice, but they never manifest in me. How can I figure out what I am?
Anonymous asked

You just have to decide whether or not the definitions of aromanticism and asexuality fit with your feelings, and choose to adopt those labels, or not.

It sounds to me like you’re probably an aromantic asexual, but that’s just my opinion.

You should also keep in mind that orientations are fluid, and it’s okay if they change.

Answer 2
Notes
Posted 3 months ago
Hey - I'm twenty years old and I've just realized (literally, about half an hour ago) that I'm aromantic. It's a huge relief to finally have the vocabulary to articulate this and to know that I'm not alone, but I have a problem: my mother is a deeply romantic woman. I'm not sure she'll understand if I tell her, and if she does I'm positive that she'll start feeling sorry for me. I don't want to go right back to feeling deficient. Any advice?
Anonymous asked

Metaphors are my best friend in trying to explain aromanticism to romantic people. I find that they can really help explain the fact that romantic relationships really aren’t what I want, and that just because other people want them doesn’t mean I do or I should. It could help if you show her evidence of other aromantic people/the aromantic community to help her realize that aromanticism is perfectly normal and not a pitiable trait.

Even if she does think aromanticism is something to feel sorry for, you aren’t deficient and shouldn’t have to feel like you are. Spending time chatting with someone who understands often is very helpful.

Answer
Posted 3 months ago
To anyone wondering what happened to the Lithromantic blog: I was getting so much hate mail that it was becoming hard for me to handle and I've opted to close it. People refuse to believe in romantic orientations other than their own... what else is new... Well, thank you for your time.
Anonymous asked